Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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