i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
