I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
