The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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