saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
