you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
