Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
