My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I supernannyed him into submission
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
