Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
