turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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