I just pynch a tree in the face
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
