I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
