my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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