i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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