final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it glows. i had to have it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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