I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
tell me about the eggs
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