i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
