rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
