Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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