whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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