How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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