i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
