literally had 100 drinks last night.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
