Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
