the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
