I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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