if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
