who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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