i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
