If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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