walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
