Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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