What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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