I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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