so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
