Swine flu. Run for my life!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
