At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
