4 words: hood of his car
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
