Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
