Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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