Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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