i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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