the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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