I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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