i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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