in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
