i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
