He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
