i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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