drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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