were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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