so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
