Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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