the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
