it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
