After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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