I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize