Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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