i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
