he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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