you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
