been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
