I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize