the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sext me about skeletons
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
