dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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