i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
