please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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