if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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