Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
