i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
