If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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