I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
honey bunches of taint.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
