Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
