I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
