I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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