$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
