Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
