I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think my vagina is haunted
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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