I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
