so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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