If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize