The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
