my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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