i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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