dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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