A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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