I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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