I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
