I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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