How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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