Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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